Which Way?
“I have no choice. If I am to feed these people I must put the food on the table where they can reach it. If I don’t, they must go elsewhere. So the question is ‘Can I?’ I must. My prayer now is for the Holy Spirit to give me the wisdom I need to be simple without being empty, practical without ‘dumbing down’ the Gospel.
“The really important question is whether I can be of some value to help someone else. Can I give spiritual direction to someone and spare them from some of my struggle? What I’m seeing needs to be reflected more in preaching.
“The volume of reading and time for meditative thinking have broadened and deepened my own spiritual life and have enabled my preaching. A comment made after I previewed my talk for the forthcoming Emmaus Walk was encouraging: ‘Some speakers hold your attention with jokes; Bill does it with knowledge.’
“My task is to be a faithful servant––faithful in my obedience and courageous in my commitment. All else is in God’s hands. I will be used as He wills to use me and will accomplish what He wants to do through me. What else really matters?
“I guess I’m more concerned with what I’m trying to provide ‘the flock’ than the flock is about receiving it. I know that times have changed, but where does one draw the line and say that these things cannot be sacrificed for our ‘good times.’ Many would think my feelings about these things are unreasonable and overly protective. Maybe so. And maybe the losses the Church is sustaining should tell us we are paying a spiritual price for our materialistic pleasures. And maybe the gradual slope will end at a disastrous precipice.
“The Lord continues to show me areas where I am deficient or flawed. In some ways that brings shame that I have not gotten further in my growth; in some ways it makes me aware of personal needs that unconsciously I seek to meet; but in every way I rejoice that God is still working––clarifying, correcting, cleansing, and directing. More and more I desire to be the kind of person in whom others can see the Lord’s grace at work and through whom the Holy Spirit can speak and work and manifest Himself.
“As I reflect on my own pilgrimage, I am overjoyed to see God shaping my life in ways I had longed for and now am pleased to recognize. I continue to wrestle with my personal particularities but have become more and more understanding and accepting of those preferences and peculiarities that make up myself. Where I am not pleasing God, He must inform and correct; and the Holy Spirit’s work, as Jesus promised, is to convict.
“My desire is to please God, walk in His will, be the servant of His Word, shepherd His people, and glorify His Name. I have dreamed of building His Temple, but like David, must accept a different role––not judging myself a failure but willingly and gladly being the best at being what I am.”
This is in answer to the survey I posted. I gleaned from Bill’s 2002 journal while the pastor of World Gospel Church in Terre Haute, Indiana. AC
Ann Coker 