It’s Okay

Lunch at Chicago Pizza, Indy 2022

Bill has never been one to give compliments during mealtimes. If asked about the food, he will say, “It’s okay.” If pressed he will add, “I ate it, didn’t I?” And he’s not teasing. Occasionally he’ll give a “good” reply and that’s top on his compliment chart. I’ve thought often of myself as a servant, meeting needs such as nutrition, and not expecting thanks. I know a wife is to be honored above a servant’s role, yet I’m still satisfied to rest in the fact that I meet Bill’s needs.

Because most of our evening meals are now prepared by our daughter Becky, we would like to hear more than “okay.” It’s not going to happen. Bill is stuck in that response. We smile when we hear “good.” If we compare Bill’s response to meals with Paul’s compliments, there’s quite a marked difference. Paul exudes enthusiasm for each meal, not often the same words. He genuinely appreciates his wife’s culinary skills, even knowing proper names for most of her dishes.

What has changed, and is more rewarding, with Bill’s interactions are his expressions of gratitude and love. When I button his shirt sleeve or hand him his plate of lunch, he will say, “Thank you.” And if I don’t respond with, “You’re welcome,” he may repeat his thanks. He’s still teaching me. Bill is also now the one who initiates, “I love you,” or blows a kiss my way.

I’ll take those interactions over “it’s okay” anytime. Over our 66 years together I’ve been blessed, and I continue to be blessed through Bill’s journey with dementia. His “ambiguous loss” is evident each day, for he’s here but not here. He’s present but gone. Yes, our days are challenging, but God is good all the time. God does not forget us, and He supplies goodness, love and gratitude.