Bill’s Talks

The following paragraphs in quotes were written by our daughter, Becky Gearhart, and posted on her Facebook page: 

“I just had a 20 minute ‘conversation’ with my dad. I have absolutely NO IDEA what he was trying to convey. It began with showing me the two locks on the back door. In his mind something was not right about them, although they both seemed to be working just fine. Then he began stringing words together, and in his mind, he was making perfect sense. All I could do was listen and nod…and try not to cry.

“My dad used to teach a class called The Art of Preaching. Gifted with teaching and preaching, he loved to read for knowledge and as a hobby. Words were extremely important to him. He can no longer read, unless it’s put to music, and then he gets most of it right. He usually doesn’t talk much, but when he does, he can’t put together a complete sentence. We often have to try to figure out what he means and try different words or hand gestures if we are trying to say something to him because the words don’t ‘compute.’

“Alzheimer’s disease/Dementia have slowly been taking him farther and farther away. He’s still here physically but my dad is no longer here. It’s a slow death and hard to watch up close.

But God is still good and His mercies never fail. God is still on the throne and He is still sufficient!”

   In June our granddaughter, Anna Rhodes, and her family spent two days with us. The triplets, Ethan, Naomi, and Levi, saw up close what dementia looks like by being around their great-grandpa. Since Anna is a psychiatric nurse, it gave the kids opportunity to ask questions and get good information. At one point, Anna showed her kids an x-ray photo on her phone: a healthy brain and a brain affected by dementia. Holes represented spaces left absent in one’s memory.

   Since their great-grandpa likes to play solitaire on his computer, the kids would join him, and soon they would take over the games, having good fun with Bill who would occasionally instruct them. Naomi sat near him once while he talked. Afterward, I asked what they talked about. She said it was about what he used to do, doing it right, a common theme.

   Anna engaged in a couple of conversations with her grandpa and she was more interactive than I have been. After one talk, I asked Anna how she kept the talk going, how she engaged herself in the conversation. Impressed with her patience and endurance, I needed a few pointers from her. She concentrated on keeping the talk going, whereas I want it to end. Anna would repeat to him some of his words, or give a sense of agreement and appreciation for what he had said. If I can do that, it would please Bill, but it will not be an easy lesson for me to apply. The level of love Anna showed is above her training as a nurse.

   In an earlier blog post I wrote about the term “ambiguous loss.” Becky, in her Facebook post, referred to that by saying her dad is here but not here. While Bill is present, what he used to be is now absent. In his talks, we get a picture of what’s not here anymore. His sentences don’t make sense, and we try to figure out what he’s saying.

  One evening Bill came into the kitchen as Paul and I prepared supper. Bill started talking about his usual theme of doing what’s right and good. We could clearly get that much as he continued to talk. His serious expression showed this was important to him.

   A few mornings later at two o’clock, I awoke to see Bill standing by the bed and talking, again about doing what’s right. As I went over to his side of the bed, he pointed his finger at me and said it would be good for me to do what’s right. He continued to talk as I persuaded him to go to the bathroom.  As if in another world, he talked in a subconscious state, but not in his sleep. At breakfast I told Bill he had been preaching. No response. Anyway, it’s a fun story.