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Help Has Steps

Facing new decisions with caregiving, I mentally said, “I need help,” and thought of this cute photo. This child’s face could be my own expression. But now I know help in many and various ways.

“Help” moved me to think of The Pilgrim’s Progress where Pilgrim was stuck in the bog and Help, a person, came to get him out. Help asked, “But why did you not look for the Steps?” with Bunyan’s biblical reference: “When I was in great need, he saved me” (Psalm 116:6).

Pilgrim’s help was available in the steps that would rescue him from the Slough of Despond. Once out of the bog, Help bid him to continue on his way, but first Pilgrim asked why the Slough of Despond was placed along the Way. I relate this tale in my book, Journey with Bunyan’s Pilgrim, and add my takeaway:

“Pilgrim’s question is also one I might ask. Why would such a place of mud and mire be left to hinder a Christian along the way of salvation? The answer Bunyan gave by way of Help can be borne out in my own experience. . . . Asking for help hasn’t slowed down my process but instead given answers to speed me on my way.”

Why do I need Help now? Bill’s Alzheimer’s disease has moved into the advanced stage, and we need to examine Steps to make life easier for him and us as caregivers. Becky, Paul and I talked about next Steps. At first, options included: (1) Changes in furniture and equipment such as a hospital bed and wheelchair, requiring that we move current furniture; (2) Senior Care in-home personal care from a local agency; (2) Move to a memory care unit in an assisted living facility. All are good and cost factors vary. What do we do next and what benefits us best?

While researching the options, we turned to another not exactly on the original list. We have chosen Hospice in-home care, and it’s been the right decision. That means end-of-life care, an honest evaluation. In two days Bill was evaluated and signed up because of two main criteria: lack of mobility and poor communication. A hospital bed was ordered and assembled in our bedroom; a schedule of helpers arranged; and the care we needed lined up. The first day on the schedule brought to our home: RN case manager, social worker, chaplain, and an aide. Each performed suitable and needed tasks with professional skill and gentle care. Of course, I still rely on our daughter with her nursing skill and our son-in-law with his good ideas and encouragement. Many friends and family members have sent loving notes of concern and prayers. Above all, we are grateful for our Lord’s help.

Help is available, and we have followed God’s guidance for the best Steps to take.

It’s Okay

Lunch at Chicago Pizza, Indy 2022

Bill has never been one to give compliments during mealtimes. If asked about the food, he will say, “It’s okay.” If pressed he will add, “I ate it, didn’t I?” And he’s not teasing. Occasionally he’ll give a “good” reply and that’s top on his compliment chart. I’ve thought often of myself as a servant, meeting needs such as nutrition, and not expecting thanks. I know a wife is to be honored above a servant’s role, yet I’m still satisfied to rest in the fact that I meet Bill’s needs.

Because most of our evening meals are now prepared by our daughter Becky, we would like to hear more than “okay.” It’s not going to happen. Bill is stuck in that response. We smile when we hear “good.” If we compare Bill’s response to meals with Paul’s compliments, there’s quite a marked difference. Paul exudes enthusiasm for each meal, not often the same words. He genuinely appreciates his wife’s culinary skills, even knowing proper names for most of her dishes.

What has changed, and is more rewarding, with Bill’s interactions are his expressions of gratitude and love. When I button his shirt sleeve or hand him his plate of lunch, he will say, “Thank you.” And if I don’t respond with, “You’re welcome,” he may repeat his thanks. He’s still teaching me. Bill is also now the one who initiates, “I love you,” or blows a kiss my way.

I’ll take those interactions over “it’s okay” anytime. Over our 66 years together I’ve been blessed, and I continue to be blessed through Bill’s journey with dementia. His “ambiguous loss” is evident each day, for he’s here but not here. He’s present but gone. Yes, our days are challenging, but God is good all the time. God does not forget us, and He supplies goodness, love and gratitude.

Though None Go with Me

Title Page, early edition from the Religious Tract Society, London

In The Pilgrim’s Progress, John Bunyan’s Pilgrim saw the grim reality of what his decision meant to leave a city in ruins, but his main concern focused on salvation, safety now and for eternity. He decided to leave home in search of redemption, as he invited those whom he loved to go with him. When none would go with Pilgrim, it came to a parting of their ways.

“Now he had not run far from his own door, but his wife and children perceiving it, began to cry after him to return” (p. 4, Barbour edition). This scene was based on Lot’s exit from Sodom and the warning the angels gave his family.

“As soon as they [the angels] had brought them out, one of them said, ‘Flee for your lives. Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plains’” (Genesis 19:17),

Here Bunyan also introduced the cost of discipleship. If we are not willing to leave mother and father, wife and children, any family member, we cannot follow Christ. (See Luke 14:26, 27.) This reminds me of a seminary student we met years ago.

The student served Bill and me a simple meal in his seminary apartment, but his testimony became the main course. He had come from an Asian country to Kentucky, USA, for ministerial studies, and at quite a cost. He could no longer claim family as his own, for once he declared his allegiance to Christ, his parents disowned him. In a personal way, he introduced me to the persecuted church.

Something for you to think about: Was your conversion viewed by family with joy or disdain? How did that affect your commitment?

~ excerpt from Journey with Bunyan’s Pilgrim by Ann L. Coker

Privileges

Spilled-out Beauty = Privileges

While listening to the song “How Great Thou Art” on Spotify, I remembered as a teenager singing in the choir during a Billy Graham Crusade in New Orleans. Later as an adult I had the privilege of being a youth counselor at a Graham crusade in Lexington, Kentucky. During that event I found out how a counselor connects with someone going forward during the invitation. This memory led me to mentally enumerate the many privileges I’ve had during my lifetime, too many to list here.

When Bill asked my hand in marriage, my first thought was one of regret. Strange, yes. But I had sensed the Lord leading me to a mission field someday. Being a pastor’s wife seemed to exclude that opportunity. But no. Bill and I have been on several short-term mission trips: first in Colombia, South America, then several countries in the Orient, India, Russia, and Africa. I even went with a group (without Bill) to Ireland. God has allowed me to participate in a wide range of travels, including Israel and Germany, something I’d not anticipated as a youth.

Giving up a scholarship to Birmingham Southern University in order to marry Bill, I thought a college degree was also not in my future. But while Bill taught at Asbury College, I enrolled and graduated 20 years after completing high school. Our four children agreed to my college attendance even when it consumed us for six years. What a privilege; for it led me to explore journalism in various fields of creativity, which included being on staff at Good News magazine, led by my professor.

I moved from being a professor’s wife and returned to my preference as pastor’s wife while working in pro-life agencies. Then retirement added the privilege of compiling Bill’s messages into published books. His influence continues. Many other privileges I could list, but I’ll conclude by mentioning (not by name) the friends we’ve met along our journey of ministry. As we say in the Emmaus community: God is good all the time. I thank God for allowing me to enjoy all these privileges.

New Year or another day?

Door to Opportunity

Is January 1^st of 2024 the beginning of a new year or is it only turning the page to another day? I have new calendars to hang and a planner to load up with appointments and opportunities. But tomorrow is both another day and the start of a new year. I’ll not wait until midnight to welcome the New Year, and when I awaken tomorrow it will be Monday, the start of a work week with one appointment already on my day planner. Friday is again designated as laundry day. On Saturday, January 6^th, I’ll pack up the Christmas décor because I like to wait until Epiphany. So what’s different in this first week of a new year?

Am I making more out of this than is necessary? I’m probably thinking too much, trying to find a reason for the start of newness in this winter season. I enjoy the changes of seasons, the rhythm of day and night, and the newness that each change brings. God is our perfect planner.

When I posed this question to my son-in-law Paul about “another day” or a “new year,” he answered with the possibility that God designed us to want closure and beginning anew, that we like and need to have a fresh start. So why not welcome and celebrate a New Year?

At the beginning of 2024, I can recognize and anticipate new opportunities amidst possible troubles and uncertainties. The new year will involve relationships being tested but completed with love and joy. Jesus is my Redeemer for each day I will face.

Facing the year with fear is not acceptable nor rewarding. Trust is the avenue on which I will walk daily. My practice is to give myself a word at the beginning of each new year. For 2024 it’s “Patient Endurance.” That couplet is repeated three times in the book of Revelation, chapters one and two when Jesus is writing to the seven churches: 1:9, 2:2, and 2:19. God has seen and knows the patient endurance of the churches. I pray that He sees that in me for the New Year.

Decorating for Christmas

Manger Collection from Jerusalem (plus)

Thanksgiving Day is sacred for the Gearhart family. We do not even listen to Christmas carols before that special day, nor do we start the Hallmark Christmas specials. But the day after: it’s an active time of getting the Christmas decorations out of storage. Paul is the one who distributes the totes to the appropriate rooms, and he untangles the cords of lights and even decorates the outside with lights, a manger scene, and a small tree he proudly found a few years ago. In the family room a lounge chair is moved to the sunporch and an artificial tree stands in that corner space. Becky starts to hang ornaments after she helps Paul strings the lights. Many of the ornaments have been handmade by family members. On the oblong sofa table Becky arranges her manger collection on the upper level. It’s quite a variety––from porcelain-like figures to a handmade Peanuts manger scene. Their cardboard village adorns the lower shelf amid cotton-ball snow.

I get to unpack our tote and put up our manger collection, mostly gifts from friends. Our favorite is made from olive wood, the one Bill bought in Jerusalem many years ago. We also have a wooden Christmas tree with lights that Paul handcrafted for us long before we moved to Indy.

One useful practice is of replacement value. As we move the year-round décor from tables, we pack those items in the emptied totes, ready to display after Epiphany on January 6^th. And the next day is Becky’s birthday.

I close with this question: Why decorate if family will not be gathering on Christmas Day? Do the decorations count if only viewed by those who live in our home?

My answer is Yes! Decorations at Christmas seek to focus our attention on God’s greatest gift: Jesus Christ, born of a virgin, lived on our earth, died for our sins, risen to grant us new life.

The last verse of “O Holy Night” exclaims:

Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!

In Print

In print after several years of writing, editing, revising again, seeking a publisher, and making one decision after another. The title, Journey with Bunyan’s Pilgrim, did not change throughout the process, but the sub-title went through many changes––until the copywriter, Erin Bartels, convinced me to settle with: A Companion Guide for The Pilgrim’s Progress. Learning from Bunyan’s allegory has been my passion, and now I trust God to guide and sharpen your study of Scripture and apply it to life’s journey.

Many people helped me through the long process, beginning with a group of ladies who studied Bunyan’s book in Touch of Class at World Gospel Church, Terre Haute, Indiana. I’m thankful for their commitment to read this classic allegory with an assignment to keep a journal. My work in process made a debut during Jerry Jenkins Writers Guild, and then developed a book proposal online with Chad R. Allen’s BookCamp, adding critique from members of Heartland Writers Group, Indianapolis.

Staff at EABooks Publishing is top notch, especially Robin Black, the formatter who prepared and sent me several suggested formats before we decided on the best one to match the objective of presentation that included an invitation to journal. When I combined quotes, commentaries, personal devotions, interactions, and questions for reflection, that posed a challenge for format.

And I cannot neglect my thanks for family and friends who encouraged me along the way. It’s been said it takes a village to raise a child. Getting a book into the world is never accomplished without a combination of people who spur on the writer. Yes, a writer’s life can be considered a lonely career, but I would not have come to this point without support. Many people deserve my appreciation, listed here or not. I’ve called myself a writer for years, yet with my name on the front of this published book, I now consider myself an author. Praise Jesus!

Back in Time to Radio

(847) Phil Harris, Bruce Reitherman – The Bare Necessities (From “The Jungle Book”/Sing-Along) – YouTube

Bill and I watched Disney’s animated version of Robin Hood, and right away I recognized the voice of Little John as Phil Harris. He also voiced the bear in Jungle Book, a favorite of our kids. Listen to “Bare Necessities” in the link above, and you’ll get a taste of Phil’s diversity. (To open the link, you might have to use Control and Click.)

But my knowledge and love for Phil Harris goes back to childhood when I listened to radio comedy, including Phil Harris, Jack Benny, Fibber Magee & Molly, and George Burns with his wife Gracie Allen. Gracie was known for her zany retorts in the duet comedy routines with her husband. My mother introduced me to these shows, but her favorite was The Breakfast Club.

In the evenings at home, I would also listen to mystery shows coming through on our upright radio (stood on the floor) with a wooden and screen front. I’d sit in front of this antiquated radio and (to my regret now) I would poke holes with a fingernail file into the cloth screen. My favorite shows included Mr. & Mrs. North, The Creaking Door and Inner Sanctum. The last two were one and the same. These sparked my continued interest in suspense novels.

The sound effects on radio kept me interested, such as when the closet door opened on Fibber Magee & Molly, and I heard items tumble out. Or when the intro to The Creaking Door really squeaked. I looked up Mr. & Mrs. North and found that episodes are on YouTube and a four-episode collection can be ordered on DVD, staring Richard Denning and Barbara Britton. I just might look into that.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my short trip down memory lane; and as I look back, these shows gave me, as a pre-teen, some clean-cut humor and intrigue. So listening to Phil Harris sing in the animated kids’ shows, I can rehearse the joys of radio from my youth.

Journey with Bunyan’s Pilgrim

Christian, John Bunyan’s main character in his allegory The Pilgrim’s Progress, has read a book that told him both the problem and the solution. The Bible gave him the reason for the heavy burden on his back and how to get rid of it. Christian met Evangelist and received directions for the start of a long journey to the Gate, the Cross, many fascinating places, and finally to the Celestial City.

You can journey alongside Christian when you combine reading Bunyan’s classic and my companion guide Journey with Bunyan’s Pilgrim, soon to be published. It will be an exciting journey as you encounter obstacles, snags, and people who won’t support you. But you will also have rewarding fellowship with some special travelers, such as Faithful and Hopeful. Their names should be your clue that Bunyan gives meaning to his characters.

Included in my guide is Bunyan’s evident use of Scripture. You will apply Scripture as you take your spiritual journey with Christian, and later with his wife Christiana. Bunyan details the joys and pitfalls any Christian experiences, and thus the journey will be personal as you find biblical truths for life’s circumstances.

The format of my guide is laid out into 13 weeks, six days in each week, making it suitable for individual or group study. The book combines commentary, personal devotions, and an invitation to journal. In journaling you record what’s learned from Scripture and Bunyan’s story––God’s wonderful purpose for His people.

Are you ready to start your journey with Bunyan’s Christian and Christiana? Let me know in the comments and I’ll save my companion book for you when it’s available.

Stewardship Testimony

A testimony is a witness to personal experience. It cannot be refuted or explained away. It belongs to one person and need not be duplicated by another. This is my testimony of stewardship. I tell only what I have experienced.

My initial introduction to financial stewardship started at an early age when my sister and I asked Daddy for an allowance. (This was about 1950.) Having thought about it, he handed each of us two quarters and a box of church offering envelopes. He explained that our weekly allowance would be given to us on one condition: one quarter would be given to the church. Both of us agreed; after all, we were one quarter ahead of no allowance.

Then our church started a building fund. Sure enough, Daddy wanted us to give one quarter to the building fund as well. At first our hearts sank. But Daddy increased our allowance to $1.00 and we were happy with the new arrangement. This went on until I began to earn my own money by baby-sitting and selling Christmas cards. By then I found it natural to give a tithe (10%) of my earnings to the church. I’m thankful for parents who taught me to tithe, even though the first arrangement had been 50/50.

This habit held fast when Bill and I got married for Bill had also been taught to tithe. When our church in North Biloxi, Mississippi, began a building program, we set the example for the congregation in giving. In those early years in the pastorate we designated our giving so that it would not come back to us in salary.

Twice I remember we questioned this principle of tithing. First, when Bill began seminary as he pastored a church in Kentucky. We soon rationalized how our income did not amount enough to title; and surely the expenses of seminary could be counted as an offering to the Lord. We vowed instead to tithe our modest income to the church and missions. After all, wasn’t everything we owned a gift from God?

Second, when we moved to Indiana to work with OMS International (currently One Mission Society), we reasoned we would have to delete our personal share support of missionaries. But when we figured out our tithe (on our gross income), we had enough to continue our commitment of giving.

Do you ask about the benefits and rewards of giving? For us, it has meant no sweeping abundance of wealth or material blessings. But God has met our needs, even when dinner meant bread and gravy along with green beans from some parishioner’s garden. Each faith pledge has been met without an unexpected gift, and met by putting God first and using available resources to His glory.

The greatest benefit has been a deep satisfaction in giving back to God a portion of all He has given to us. (See Proverbs 3:5, 6, 9, 27.) That benefit has lasted through the years, and today we continue to praise God for the privilege of being a part of Kingdom work with our finances as well as ministry skills.