“How Are You Doing?”

Not too often, but often enough, people ask how I’m doing. They refer to my husband Bill’s death in March. My response, “I’m fine. Really.” And I’m not trying to cover up any sadness. Everyone’s grief journey is different, and I’m finding that out while attending weekly meetings of a GriefShare program at our church. I have fresh grief, for my journey has been brief in one way. It’s been only two months since Bill stopped breathing and went Home. But his journey through dementia started over ten years ago, and during that time I’ve been grieving the loss of what he used to be––my husband of 66 years and my pastor many of those years.

Now as I listen to his podcast, I envision sitting in the congregation, learning biblical truth as he preached for 19 years at World Gospel Church in Terre Haute, Indiana. During the past couple of years Bill would get our attention with what we called his “talks.” His main theme was to “do what’s right and good.” Much else he said did not communicate well. Now as I read my Bible, I notice those words of right and good. Such as, “You shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may go well with you” (Deut. 6:18, ESV).

I can testify that God has enveloped me in His peace. “My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful” (John 14:27, NASB). I cannot explain that, but I want to credit prayers, those from family and friends. Going through my stack of sympathy cards several times, I’ve notice that most of the signers say they are praying for me and my family. It may not be long-standing, but even if they pray once while writing and addressing their cards to me, that has meaning and shows results.

That photo at the top of this blog post, which I shared from a writer friend on my Facebook page, cites the expression on May 4^th: “Let the fourth be with you.” The Fourth Person in the fire with the three Hebrew children is our Lord Jesus. Yes, He has been with me, and I would not want to spend one moment without His presence. While what I miss the most about Bill is his presence with me, it would be far worse for me not to have God’s presence abiding in me.

So, how am I doing? Fine. Really. God is with me, moment by moment. I give sincere thanks for your prayers along my grief journey. I have loss because Bill is not here, but he is not lost. I know where he is and one day I will join him in God’s good timing.